How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
