Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
