Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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