I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
