I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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