Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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