Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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