don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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