awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
