there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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