I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
