You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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