You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
