Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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