Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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