shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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