Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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