two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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