the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
