we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
