She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Randomize
