there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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