That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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