his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
