you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
