...so i touched it.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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