Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
