It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
