so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
well you can't waste a boner
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
