Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
