what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
