He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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