I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
