i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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