1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
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