I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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