I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Best friends brother. Beat that.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
