But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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