dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
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