You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
