Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
They are going to name an STD after you.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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