Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
