2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
