I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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