OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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