Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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