Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
