I hate your face
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
