suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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