she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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