i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
