i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
