You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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