btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
