and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
